say what you need to say

So, here is a little post for you, Suzy!
I volunteer at a Languages School to help them with their administrative work. Mainly it's just paperwork, but the part I love most is getting to go into different classes and just helping and talking with the kids there.
Today, I went into the grade 1-2 Mandarin room, and started talking to the kids there. I don't understand, nor do I speak that particular dialect of Chinese, so I just talked in English.
One of the kids there, a seven-year old girl, warmed up to me for the first time. She was fascinated by my necklace (a golden pendant attached to a piece of string) and proceeded to laugh at herself and her friend in the reflection. "Hey! I look heart-shaped!"
Usually she's off running with her friends, and as much as I love these kids and try so hard to encourage their creativity, I need to maintain a teacher-student relationship, not a friend-to-friend one. Therefore, the most interaction I usually get with her is: "Okay, come on. Stop running around, you're supposed to be doing your homework! Your parents enrolled you in this because they want you to learn!"
Today, for some reason, they were already settled down when I came in to help, so after she played with my necklace, I decided to sit down with her and talk to her. Rather than talking to a bunch of people at a time, my introvert personality likes getting to know each person I interact with, thoroughly; therefore, I like concentrating on one person and getting to know them better.
She and her friend were colouring in a bunch of Easter eggs on a little scrapbook. I asked them about their Easters, they bragged about their egg hunts and how many eggs they found.
I asked her whether I could help her and draw some decorative Easter eggs for her, and she nodded brightly.
I sat down to draw some Easter eggs and I found myself out of ideas. I had not decorated Easter eggs in years, and when I realized that I hadn't participated in one of my previously favourite activities, in a LONG TIME, I was startled. The seven-year old, who was now working on an art project for the class, noticed and began instructing me.
"Just do whatever you want. Imagine, think. How about a couple of stars, a couple of hearts? What about squiggles like mine here?" She flipped to a page in her scrapbook where a bunch of Easter eggs beamed brilliantly at me.

i have to do this

I see myself trying to convince myself that I should take a break. That I've been working on something too long when I haven't been.
I must push myself to work harder.

Right now, staring off into space and thinking about other things IS NOT GOING TO HELP ME.

I have to concentrate. Why do I have such little self-control? Why am I not able to regulate my behaviour? Why is it that there seem to be so few hours in a day? There aren't. I just don't use them to their full potential.
GET BACK ON TRACK, JENNIFER.

Why are you making excuses for yourself? Your excuses make no sense to anyone but you.
Everyone else is so disciplined. And you're not.

Get back on f**king track.

Stop this bullsh*t. Go.

gonna make it count

For 2011, I made a bunch of resolutions to myself. One very vital one was to stop procrastinating/concentrate on my schoolwork. It was one I kept for a pretty long time (in comparison to resolutions of years past, when I would repeat my resolutions like a mantra and end up doing the forbidden actions anyway), and also something that I just simply had to do because I couldn't afford not to. I had a wrist injury early 2011, and that meant more doctor's visits, more physiotherapy--which in turn made me a tired grumpy old lady. However, by April, these resolutions I repeated to myself when doing anything not schoolwork related, have worn off. I have to make promises to myself. To people. Other people. I can't let myself let down others, but I can certainly let down myself. So today, I promised one of my bestest friends, Suzy, something. I promised her that I would stay away from Facebook from now until all my exams are OVER, I promised her that the only time I would go on was to check my messages with my group members for projects. I promised her that I wouldn't go on Tumblr until I was done all my homework (I was reluctant on this one). I promised her that Youtube would not be a regular tab on my computer any longer. In turn, she promised me to work harder. To avoid Facebook like the flu. To stay away from Youtube unless she was done all her work. To stop baking when she was supposed to be doing schoolwork. I need to step up my game.
I need to discipline myself. But we all know how hard it is to tear ourselves away from the computer.

Childhood,.

Because I promised one of my bestest besties to post about Toy Story, I guess i'll do it today! I am a huge, huge Disney fanatic. I love the animated smiles of characters, the fluid movements by which they move, the process in which stories are drawn and put together to create a little bit of magic in our lives. The collaboration between Disney and Pixar for Toy Story 3 was one of the best I have ever seen. The people of Pixar really know how to make people cry! I rarely watch romantic comedies, and I mostly watch action or horror, but honestly, I have watched and obsessed about all Pixar movies (except for Wall-E, I still have to watch that one) and I am in love with their artwork, their storylines, and their way of making people nostalgic.
I watched Toy Story 3 in the summer of 2010 with one of my best friends, Kyleen. It cost about $16 CAD, so we were apprehensive about watching a movie in 3D. However, the price we paid for the movie was totally worth it, as was the fact that my 3D glasses were too big for my nose and kept slipping down. Toy Story 3 quickly became one of our inside jokes and a symbol for our friendship.
The morals of the story are so cheesy, but they mean something. Toy Story tells kids of the importance of friendship and of loyalty. It teaches, without preaching, that life is full of difficulties and hard decisions, and that the best decisions involve doing the right thing, not always what you think you want.
Toy Story 3 voices the imagination of my childhood years--that behind my back, my toys and furniture moved and talked in their own language, that they had emotions and feelings. I love that Pixar movies still promote playing with toys rather than with electronics.
I feel that imagination and storytelling is a huge part of childhood, and with the never-ending bombardment of media and the pressure to grow up, and quickly, children aren't getting the right education on morals and how to live and be a kid and to really treasure it. So yes, I recommend you to watch it.
I recommend you to revisit your childhood for a day. Watch Looney Tunes. Forget your worries, if only for a few hours. Make castles in sandboxes. Skip down school hallways with your friends. Reminisce about simpler times.
Explore how you felt as a kid, the ecstasy and euphoria you felt when discovering the world. Notice the veins on every leaf. Notice the small flower that's finally growing your front yard. When you return to the burdens of your adult/teenage life again, take one thing you learned from childhood with you: remember the small things that make you happy.

trait #1

Just so you wonderful lot get to know me better, (this is, if you'd like to) I'm going to post a picture that explains one trait of my personality very well.

If anything, the first thing people don't really get to know about me is that I am probably the only kid in the whole world to laugh at puns. I love lame jokes. Punny jokes get me. They hit my funny bone directly, and I'm usually the one left guffawing helplessly while everyone else looks away and pretends they don't know me. For example, my favourite joke speaks of the man and a bar.

"The man walked into a bar. Ouch."

Isn't that hilarious? When I first found this joke, I laughed at the computer until I was in tears.

"I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger-then it hit me." I chuckled there.

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." (Get it? Fruit flies? Hahahaahahah. That was meant for you and your science summative, Kyleen.)

People roll their eyes but I am constantly in awe of their wit. It's not just trashy comedy where references to the human body are made every five minutes.

They're not bawdy jokes. It's well-thought-out and intelligent. At least, to me.

It's not okay.

        You know what I hate? When people say, "That's so gay."
        Yep. Hate it. So much.

        They're using a term used to describe the sexual orientation of a person, as an insult. What kind of insult is that? What are you trying to say? 

I believe that God made us all equal. Yes, I am religious, and my interpretation of the Bible is that God loves everyone. God loves the good, the bad, the kind, the evil, the straight, the gay. God made them homosexual/bisexual, and in a predominantly-heterosexual society, what we should be doing is helping them, not condemning them. Many people may contradict that, but think about it. God made us all the way we are. He gave us free choice, He gave us a chance. These people were born this way (haha, I love the song). Who are you to judge them for it? The one time I used that phrase was when I was friends with people who easily influenced me. I felt wrong, unnatural. I felt like I was hurting people for using that word as an insult. I just can't say derogatory words that are aimed to certain group of people. Thank goodness I'm not friends with those people anymore.

                  Another thing I really hate is when people say "tolerance" when referring to sexual orientation, racism, sexism, etc.

concrete jungle where dreams are made of.

I love the city. The sprawling sky limited by the tops of buildings; the rush of the cars as they sweep by your feet; the exhilarating thrill of the streets, dotted with lights in the fall evenings; the boarded up shops and tiny boutiques where beauty can be found; they all excite me, make me happy. That being said, I live in the suburbs of a big city. After all, who else could maintain such an unhealthy love for the city and its beauty?

I love walking around dressed in all-black, smiling at strangers and spontaneously bursting into a random art gallery and thumbing through their catalogues. I love washing my fingers in those bowls of lemon-water and shovelling crepe-yumminess into my mouth. I love the bustling markets and the smell of food from the vendors ardently calling out their goods, comparing their prices to stalls behind them. I love the loneliness of the harbourfront, how artists and tourists alike sit and stare out into the water as if finding the meaning of life there. I love the subway and its echoes and how you're just surrounded with people who have their own lives, their own way of doing things. It makes me want to learn from all of them. It makes me want to sit down and interview them, talk with them about their lives, become their friends. The previous sentence makes me sound creepy.

Your songs remind me of swimming.

I find the mentality of a parkour and the physicality so beautiful. Free-runners think about movement and speed and how to get from one place to another by changing the route, making everything, every object, relative to what they're doing. They beautify their lives by considering everything as something of importance to them. They think in terms of art--what can I do better? What can I fix, what can I do to change up my life?

I find it so inspiring--the thought that goes into planning, however spontaneously; the defiance of the general public; the consideration of using everything in front of them; the knowledge that others will stare, and not being afraid of it. I find them so amazing and brave.

Parkour is something I wish to try over the summer. Oh, I have so many things I wanna try! Too little time, and not enough connections to try.
Maybe I'll go to a parkour park. Hehe, I just said parkour park.
Yes I am lame. Get used to it ;)
thanks for reading, lovelies!

Let's begin!

Hi, my name is Jennifer and I'm a little Torontonian girl. (Oh, and I'm in high school. I'm just quite short compared to my friends. I'm like five two, they're like five six, five seven. I have yet to grow.)

I don't have a use for this particular blog, unlike my friends, but I just like writing a whole lot, and I guess I'll do some of my writing here. So I guess I'll introduce myself to you (basically non-existent, I bet) readers out there!

I love many many things about life. I love living. I love experiencing and hoping and dreaming. I am an pessimistic optimist and I try so hard to be happy about life. I know the tragedy life can bring you, but there is so much sadness that it is vital to know that optimism isn't naivety. It's not pretending everything is great and beautiful and good. It's looking fear and darkness in the eye and saying, "You don't scare me. I can get over whatever is hurting me. I deserve better. I can make it through." It's saying we know that life is so incredibly sad. We know that life is anger and rage and imperfection and horrible deeds, and yet we have to note the good things. And yet there is beauty to be acknowledged. Love the little things. Live one day at a time.

I know the beautiful things that surround me and I am intrigued at everything around me. I wish life were something tangible, like jelly (ooh, I love jelly) and that I could just delve inside, step inside and let it devour me completely. I try to think about every little piece of life, not only about what touches me personally.

So yeah! I'll be posting stuff/substance/things that intrigue me, interest me, provoke me, as well as my loves and hates and dislikes and thoughts and rants and other sappy stuff!
Thanks for reading! (: